


Visit to Planet Xena

by reen212000



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Comment Fic, Companionable Snark, Gaelic Language, Gen, Misunderstanding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-13
Updated: 2012-04-13
Packaged: 2017-11-03 14:23:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/382293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reen212000/pseuds/reen212000
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carson takes center stage in negotiations with possible allies. Rodney's POV. Written as a comment fic challenge for someone who wanted hurt!Carson. May 2009</p>
            </blockquote>





	Visit to Planet Xena

When we exited the 'gate on M4-289J, we were immediately surrounded by very tall women. In the past, this would be some sort of dream from my collegiate days. Especially, the statuesque blonde in the purple veil-things. Sheppard starts in with his canned speech that I'm sure Elizabeth pounded into his head, and gives that annoying smirk.

“Hullo, I'm Carson Beckett, Medical Doctor. We hear you lasses –”

The Amazons start swinging stick at him, and instinctively, I move toward him. Sheppard stepped in front of both of us, raising his P90. Mirroring him, we fend off the giants. The very tall blonde sweeps a hand toward a little building through the forest, mumbling her apologies.

We enter the building, and Carson starts talking again. One of the women whirls on him, swinging her club. This time she gets him; he collapses immediately.

It's not my fault that the natives didn't like Carson's accent. Something about trusting foreigners... or something. I wasn't really listening because I was too busy ducking the massive clubs those Amazons were wielding! Look, the point is he's unconscious, and I'm dragging him to a corner while Sheppard negotiates. 

Of course, they like the colonel. I'm sure he's glad he used that extra gel in his hair today, because the lead Amazon is petting His Spikiness now. 

“Okay,” Sheppard says, as he kneels beside Carson. “Apparently, they want to keep you and Carson.”

“What?!” I say, ignoring Sheppard's wince. I know I can get a little hysterical at times, but – “They can't do that! We're people, not some stray left out in the rain!”

“Keep your voice down, McKay,” the colonel says quietly. I know he's trying to keep them calm, but I can't help myself.

Stepping forward, I go directly to High Priestess Xena. “Yes, hello. Thank you for your hospitality, but we'll just be going now.”

“McKay!”

What is it they say about turning your back on angry natives? Or is it animals? Either way, never turn your back. I see Sheppard's eyes widen, and he goes for his sidearm; they took our P90s earlier. Then Club-Swinger One hit Sheppard, knocking the gun out of his hands. 

Then suddenly, it's a bar brawl, and the colonel is quickly losing. Finally, two women carry off Sheppard, who's kicking and screaming the whole way. I admire his tenacity; the whole 'protect his team' thing can go a little overboard, but I do appreciate it.

Carson stirs below me, his hand languidly floating up to his head. I hadn't noticed the blood before, and now it's bleeding enough to drip... Oh God. I am not good with blood. He opens his eyes when he feels the wetness on his fingertips. 

“Och! What the bloody hell?”

Blood. Bloody. Blood.

“Rodney? What's happened?” He moves slightly and goes pale. 

“Don't move,” I say; I don't recognize my own voice. “You may have a concussion.”

“What? How?” He groans as he moves again. I told him not to move! Does no one listen to me? “Where's Colonel Sheppard?”

“Silence!” The giant rumbles. She raises her hand to placate us. Or backhand me. “I must apologize, McKay and Beckett. My housegirl is impulsive; she has not seen your kind before. She believed you were... gift-mates.”

“Gifts? Mates?” I squeak. I really must work on that squeaking thing. “If this is how you treat gifts, I hate to see how you treat enemies!” Words keep bubbling out of my mouth. “The last thing I need is to be beaten and dragged off into She-Girl's cave –”

“Rodney...”

“– and beaten into submission –”

“Rrrrodney!”

Carson's brogue cuts through my thoughts. I freeze mid-sentence, afraid that his voice is going to get us in deeper trouble. She-Girl takes another swing, this time at me. I move out of the way easily. Ha! Missed me.

The woman crouches into a defensive position, and I move in front of Carson. If she thinks she can get to him, she's got another thing –

Wait a minute. She's smiling. She has dropped her club and she's smiling. Her big, bright white teeth look more menacing in the dim light.

I hear shuffling behind me; I think Carson is standing. Moving back, I try to cover him as best I can.

The priestess places a hand on the other woman's shoulder. “Nala, go prepare refreshments for our guests.”

Nola looks so disappointed; I think she's actually frowning. We watch as she shuffles out of the small reception area. Carson sways, and puts a hand on my shoulder.

“Please forgive Nala. She believed you were... flirting.” She smiles at that, and motions us to follow her. “Now that the wild one has quieted, shall we begin negotiations?”

“Negotiations? For what?” And more importantly, wild one? But I refrain from more questions.

The priestess smiles indulgently. “For your knowledge. The fair one has much needed medical knowledge, and you yourself have knowledge of the ruins beyond the hills.” She waves us toward another door. “We will break bread when the sun reaches its zenith. Rest; someone will be back to collect you.”

She-Girl Two and Three shoved us inside. I caught Carson before he fell. Guiding him over to a ginormous bed, I help him remove his pack and vest. 

“I hate bein' concussed,” he says, listing sideways. He closes his eyes, and I feel a shot of panic race up my spine.

“Wake up!” Again with the squeaking. “You can't sleep!”

“I'm all right, Rodney. Just exhausted. You can wake me in a little bit.” Then he's gone. Dead asleep. Great.

Taking a deep breath, I move to the fragrant bowl of water. Dipping the cloth in the cool water, I'm hoping whatever's in it won't cause an infection. I quickly – and if I might say so, efficiently – clean the wound, closing my eyes against the sticky, bloody mess.

Carson wakes enough to curse and swat my hands away. Like I have time to play nursemaid. Sheppard's probably going stir-crazy and plotting the deaths of every warrior princess here. I'm sure if Teyla and Ronon weren't off-world we wouldn't be in this predicament. I think.

Worse-case, they'd kill Teyla and take her gift-mates –

“Quit yer thinking! No bloody wonder you never sleep!” Carson scoots away from me to the other side of the bed. That's gratitude for you.

I must have dozed off, when my head snaps up toward the door. They're coming back for us. I stand between doom and Carson as the door swings open. Nala, her red, red hair pinned back, looks over us with a frown.

“Dè tha thu a dèanamh?” She says, and Carson bolts upright.

“Dè thuirt thu?”

Nora smiles. I think she's... relieved. “Carson?” I ask, not turning my back on her again.

“A bheil Gàidhlig agaibh?”

Carson laughs. “Tha, beagan.”

The giant woman blushes prettily, and pushes me out of the way. Sitting on the bed, she examines Carson's bandage. “Tha mi duilich!”

“It's quite all right, lass.”

They launch into a discussion, and my head is spinning. “What is going on, Carson?” I interrupt. Both look at me with murderous expressions. Really, I just want a sit rep before Sheppard grills me later. If he's not for dinner, that is.

“Gabhaibh mo leisgeul, Nala.” Carson swings his legs over to sit on the edge of the bed. “Rodney, I would appreciate it if you didn't yell.”

“Well, Amazon Nora here just clubbed you over the head, and now you're speaking gibberish. Excuse me for being concerned!” Suddenly, Nora stands, her head inches away from the ceiling. “Is she going to rip me apart now?”

“Her name is Nala, Rodney. And no, I don't believe she will rip you apart. Yet.” He stood unsteadily, and Nala held his shoulders. “Tapadh leat.” He mumbles something else, and she nods.

“There are special robes. You should wear them,” she says, pointing at an alcove. “It will get cold after the sun dips below the mountain.” Bowing to Carson, she turns and nudges me out of her way again. For someone so big, she makes no sound as she hurries out of our room.

Carson groans and sits down. Rubbing his temple, he closes his eyes. “That was interestin'.”

“What? That you can speak nonsense too? It's good to know you can connect. Maybe you should've tried that before she clocked you.”

“Yer tellin' me. She was speaking a form of Gaelic I hadn't heard since me gran was alive. Quite refreshing, really.”

For lack of anything to do, I pour another glass of water and fish out a packet of Tylenol. Tossing the pills back, he raises the glass. “Slàinte mhòr agad!”

“You do realize I have no idea what you're saying, right? For all I know, you could have brain damage.”

“I don't have brain damage, but I will have a bit of a headache later.” Standing again, Carson grabs my arm for support. “Nala will return shortly, so we should put on those robes.”

Leading him over to the alcove, I help him into the dark blue robe. I take the lighter blue one, since it reminds me of the one I have in my quarters. _Nala_ returns, looking very pleased. Apparently, we've chosen to wear the right ones. We enter the dining room, and Sheppard hops to his feet. He's wearing the same type of robe, only in green. Were they supposed to match our eyes? Weird.

“You guys okay?” Sheppard asks breathlessly. “Anything happen?”

I shrug. “Well, not only does Carson have a concussion, but apparently he can speak nonsense just like the girl who hit him.”

“It's not nonsense, McKay. It's Gaelic.”

I wave a hand at him. “Whatever. It's a dead language, and the soft sciences don't interest me.” Looking closer at him, I try to discern if he's been injured. Other than being pissed, he seems okay.

The tall blonde swans into the room, dressed head to toe in purple. “Thank you for joining us. Once again, I apologize for Nala's behavior. There is a neighboring village who speaks as you do, Beckett. She was merely protecting her tribe.”

“Tapadh leat, Lady Gallia,” Carson said. Gallia? Was that her name? He launched into more words and I glanced over at Sheppard, who wore his usual politely bland expression. Everyone seemed quite pleased, and food instantly appeared on the table.

“I told her that you were our warrior-protector, John,” Carson said, patting the colonel on the arm. “They think you're a bit scrawny, to which I agreed.”

“Well, as long as no one's swinging any sticks, I'll let that slide.” Sheppard smiled back at the priestess' guards. He pointed to one dish, telling me to stay away from it.

Carson, on the other hand, went a bit green. “I think I will pass on the food, if ye don't mind, m' lady.” When she inclined her head, Nala stepped forward, blushing again. “Ah! A lovely escort.” 

The colonel and I watch him leave with much trepidation. 

“Do not worry. He will be cared for.” Leaning in Sheppard's direction, Gallia smiled coyly. “Now, Sheppard. Tell me of these weapons.”

I tried not to sigh too loudly as a woman about my height detached from the wall. “Doctor McKay? I am Sirona. I keep watch over the ruins.”

Okay, now I'm interested. No, not because she's got cornsilk hair. It's purely professional, and it's a bonus that she's, well, pretty. “Um, yes. We came looking for an energy source and perhaps some information.”

“Yes! I know that place like my home. I can show you everything.”

See? Bonus.

oOoOo

After dinner, I walk quickly back to the room. Carson is asleep, and there's a smelly candle burning by the bed. Sighing, I move to wake him. He wakes slowly, and rubs his face. “You okay?”

“Aye, I think I'll be fine. Tomorrow, I'll head back to Atlantis, and send back a few of my staff.”

“Do you want a new bandage?”

“No, I'm fine. Nala changed it and put some sort of balm on it.”

Shedding my jacket, I move to the other side of the bed. Seriously, you could put an elephant between us, and we wouldn't know. I take a deep breath, feeling the excitement of the day ebb out of me.

“Thanks, Rodney,” Carson whispers. “We'll work on yer bedside manner later.”

I snort loudly. “Well, you could learn to be a better patient.”

Falling asleep, I dream of Amazons and tall Ancient spires.

oOoOo

The end.

**Author's Note:**

> Hmm. I cannot for the life of me find the meanings to those Gaelic words. Someday, maybe.


End file.
